Interview: Black Falcon

Lesley Scaeffer: "Some have called Wayne Enterprises the most powerful corporation in the world. But a few people with knowledge of WE's inner workings, say much like the powerful everywhere, this multi-national conglomerate has been thoroughly corrupted by its ability to do whatever it wants to. We spoke to several ex-employees, one of which is authoring the book, Abuses of Power: Does Wayne Enterprises have too much Influence? next up, we delve into some of the behaviors behind one of the most successful companies in the world."

Sources tell us that Mr. Wayne didn't want you to do this interview, is there any truth to that?
He hasn't spoken to me. So the answer is, no.
Oh, yes, and its a pleasure to be here, Lesley. The Black Falcon Story opens in theaters this summer.

How long have you been at Wayne Enterprises? Two Years now.

You're a curious selection as a spokeswoman don't you think?
a mask, a rather revealing outfit Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.
and a career as a known product endorser? A well paid career I might add. Lesley, I'm not ashamed of being the perfect spokeswoman, I'm flattered.
Were you selected because you're pretty Yes!
and popular Yes!
or good at your job? Yes!

Can you properly fulfill your duties as WE Spokeswoman and as a superheroine?
Sure! We shoot two or three times a month, and then I'm free to beat some sense into criminals everywhere.

What about the potential lawsuits against the company and the implication that you're essentially a hired gun?
Nah, I've never run a job for Wayne industries. Seriously Les, can we talk? Hired guns are like SECRET...they don't shoot commercials. No one can tie them to their employers.
--Who write these questions? Ambush Bug?

Sources have accused your company of corporate espionage against several companies, including LexCorp, respond.
LexCorp? LexCorp? Bwa Ha Ha Ha ha Ha! The makers of the "My Little Pony Glue Factory?" The Lex Pad? The Lex Phone?
Bwa Ha Ha Ha Ha

Wayne Enterprises employs more lobbyists in Washington than any other company in history, why?
I dunno. I'm not on the board of directors. What is this 60 Minut...oh yeah it is.

A former Wayne Executive who wrote the book "The REAL Most Powerful Man in America" mentions several secret programs that deliberately attack and sabotage other companies, is Bruce Wayne too powerful?
He's powerful enough to sign my checks. I even met him once at a company dinner. Nice guy.
I don't know anything about that book. Is that the E. Nigma guy?

We've also linked Mr. Wayne to the Conservative Right, is Mr. Wayne a Republican?
Ummmm. He's a member of the Diner's Club...

We recently received Wayne Enterprise memos marked "SECRET" that include files on super-powered individuals who operate outside the law. Tell me, why would a Fortune 500 Company have an interest in supervillains?
Because they're a Fortune 500 company?
Les, come on. Cutting edge, high tech stuff is being developed at Wayne Enterprises. Its a villain magnet. Mr Wayne is simply protecting himself.

Aren't we going to talk about my movie?

Your company is also a little-known defense contractor. What role did Wayne Enterprises play in the occupation of Iraq?
Wayne Enterprises doesn't make the occupations. We make them better.
Les, I'm a Spokeswoman, I sell electronics. How am I supposed to know this?

What was your company's profit last year?
Shoot. I have no clue. But I do know: Filming starts on the Black Falcon movie in January.

Some have called Wayne Enterprises the most corrupt company in the United States, respond.
E. Nigma again? This guy doesn't quit.
Sony studios revealed that fabulous Jennifer Walcot plays the lead in the upcoming Black Falcon movie. But the flying scenes are played by...ME!

Your company is also in the business of high-end technologies, any new recent breakthroughs?
Yeah see these metal gauntlets? Titanium! And they fold up too!
The only breakthroughs I know of are in the Wayne Christmas Catalog.
Get yours FREE today! (holds up catalog)

Wayne Biotech has been lauded for its Cancer and HIV/AIDS research, what other areas are you making progress?
I dunno.
--Anyways, back to ME: I do some of the stunts too. And the villains are Gorilla Grodd and Giganta.

Many of our sources that were former Wayne Employees mentioned some rather strange and unusual verbage in their Non-Disclosure Agreements after leaving the company, was there a legitimate need for this?
Look, if we cast this E. Nigma guy in the movie will you talk about it?!!